The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in these awful grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he never cheated during his exams." by Anon

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+. Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?" The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business." by Anon

A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says "How did you know?" The store owner says "That `big red accordion' is the radiator." by Anon

The audience at a piano recital were appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!" by Anon

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here". "Yes", snickered the Devil, "but I have all the referees." by Anon

So ya know, I've been taking these kung-fu classes lately. I must say they are great. Teach you how to be as powerful as a tiger, as quick as a monkey, as smart as a dragon. Why just the other day, these guys came up to me with a knife and demanded money. So, I turned into a chicken and ran! by Anon

Q: How many artists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Ten. One to change it and nine to reassure him about how good it looks. by Anon

An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine. After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence. They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said "Oh, no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!" by Anon

Doctor: "I have some bad news and some very bad news." Patient: "Well, might as well give me the bad news first." Doctor: "The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live." Patient: "24 hours! Thats terrible!!! What could be Worse?! What's the very bad news?" Doctor: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday." by Anon

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion." by Anon